Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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