Betty ford says i'm here all night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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