My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
