His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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