You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
