I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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