I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
worst night to have a conscience
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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