Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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