In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
