so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
