im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
