Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
