I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize