dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
