Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
