Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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