I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
