I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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