I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
