I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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