If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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