u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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