wakey wakey hands off snakey
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
