So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
