I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the day after is always just damage control
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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