dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
