i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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