i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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