I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
