did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
