These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Enjoy the penises
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
