and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
