Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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