y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
