Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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