It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You need a sexual gate keeper
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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