she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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