I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
