Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
