your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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