i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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