god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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