she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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