Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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