Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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