If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This baby is an asshole
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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