Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
