after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
