How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
