Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
