Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sober January is a disaster.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
