fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
