In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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