yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
