It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
