Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
