Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
