We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
