It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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