The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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