went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
