Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
