It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
