Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize