I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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