he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
