She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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