thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
