That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
