yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
