So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
